Well well well, what do we have here! It’s none other than Funny Names in the News Friday! Fresh off a stretch of 11 hours tooterin’, it’s great to be back to the BoFN! Our list of news events to cover this week is EXTRAORDINARY so I’m gonna do Double Duty and type this out while watching Cheers! Woohoo!
It’s a bird, it’s a plane, it’s James Gandolfini… nope… it’s Robin Mahfood!
Destitution Correspondent brings us one fandango of an update about the CEO of the non-profit Food for the Poor organization. The CEO has one of the least expected nicknames for a food maven… Robin Mahfood! I wonder what’s more suprising – a lady named Coffin living well into her 100’s, or a guy named Robin Mahfood providing food for the poor? Questions of the ages.
Speaking of people who give Oberia Coffin a run for her money, Facebook’s oldest user Edythe Kirchmaier just turned 106! I hope at age 106 I can use teleporting hovercrafts or do whatever the cool kids are doing 79 years from now!!
In quick shots and bon mots, I’m pleased to tell you that Scooter Cheeks wrote a fake letter to Bill Clinton, and you totes shouldn’t be using some of these words or you’ll sound like a whackadoo!
Poor Sam Malone! Why are they dropping snow on him? He’s just trying to get Rebecca a Christmas Present. Wait, that angel looks a lot like Diane!!
Ol Benny seems perplexed as I am that Claptrap Berwilliger didn’t make the list!
I love that show Cheers! Back to other things that bring me cheer, we have uncovered an article that seems custom-made for the BoFN: 15 ways to mispronounce Benedict Cumberbatch. This article makes reference not only to Benedict Cumberbatch, but also to Chumbawumba, a band fronted by the legendary Danbert Nobacon
and who also showed up in FNITN #5 over 18 months ago.
Why yes, fine sir, I am in fact the web’s finest destination for intelligent entertainment coverage! Would you care for a crumpet?
Continuing with the entertainment news, Sizzling Sauciness correspondent Amber!! took a break from heckling me about plane tickets to whisper gleefully through the grapevine that Lorne Michaels has finally joined the twenty(first) century and hired Saturday Night Live’s first black female performer. Initial reports describe Sasheer Zamata as gorgeous and hilarious, and point to her web-series “Pursuit of Sexiness.” These are all very good things. Vulture decided to take a break from its usual scavenging birds of prey coverage to address the story here!
Continuing her hot streak, Swoontastic News That Doesn’t Have To Do With Ted Danson correspondent Amberrr artfully leaks the news that George MP Stroumboulopoulos has established the Strombo Hundo – his list of the Top 100 Songs of the Year. Included among the selections are cuts from Chance The Rapper, Basia Bulat (from Toronto!) [sic], and the legendary etc. Amber sums up the news thusly:
I swoon.
Mark of The Beast, Athena Millennium Conjectures tells us some satisfyingly rebellious sporting news.
Miami Herald and ESPN2 sports correspondent Dan Le Batard has been banned by the Baseball Writers of America as a Hall of Fame voter for crowd sourcing his 2013 vote. He did that as a protest of the voting process. No imagination necessary to realize what they must have called him in the schoolyards of his youth. My bet is that was what he really was protesting.
Mark keeps his winning streak going with a terrific news update from the greatest sport alive, boxing!
Boxer Petchasamuthr “Mookie” Duanaaymukdahan was dubbed Name of the Year winner in the “Highly Unofficial Awards” handed out in the current issue of The Ring magazine.
That’s a very impressive performance. To win that award, he had to beat Pornsawat Porpramook, Pongsaklek Wonjongkam, and Poonsawat Kratingdaenggym, and that’s just to make it out of east Asia. Well done Petchasamuthr “Mookie”!
Lastly, everyone’s favorite Where in the Sam Hill Does He Find This Stuff? Correspondent (and still our reigning Ted Danson loving champion) was busy doing what every 20-something Californian does with their spare time – reading the letters to the editor section of Popular Science – when he stumbled upon one doozy of a name – and an even doozier doozy of a complaint! It seems Bob Quackenbush had something to say!
People have been saying that about us for years!
Well, looks like we’re fresh out of time, and there’s still so much to cover. We’ll see you again next Friday for another thrilling edition of Funny Names in the News!
I am zonked!
